Monday November 22, 2004

            Feelings. I will admit that I know next to nothing about them.  Tyler is wanting to distance himself so that I don’t get attached.  As a defense against the event he has to take a job somewhere far away now that he is out of school. I know this to be an act of kindness, hell, I have done it myself, for different reasons of course. I know that this is the responsible and easier way to do things, but I can’t help but think, “how unfair”  My mind is a jumbled mess of confusion. 

            I so want to be with him. Even if it is for a short time.  I don’t know why either.  I have tried to keep my feelings under control, but something happened.  This is not love. I know that, well at least it isn’t love yet. But it is something. I wish I knew what. I feel as if something has been ripped harshly away from me.   I can only describe that thing as hope.  Something that I haven’t felt in awhile (Since Christian). I haven’t had a reason to.

-Eric