Journal #3 – Monday September 27,
2004
Oh My God! I think that I am the happiest
man in the world.
Today I am going to tell you about him.
The one that told me that I wasn’t a “Freak for getting attached.”
His name is Tyler. And he is so cute. I can’t understand
why he s interested in me. But I am not complaining one bit. He is so sweet to
me. He knows what to say and when to say it.
He makes me feel special. He has given me a reason to smile again. What
more could a guy ask for?
He keeps telling me not to wait. And then he says he doesn’t want to come back and have missed out.
I think that I will Wait anyways. A guy like him comes once in a lifetime. Also if he comes back, is single, and interested in me, and I have someone else. I
would have been the one who missed out. I don’t want that at all.
It is hard though. There is so much that I want to say but is impossible to put to words.
It is hard to explain. Really frustrating though. Sometimes when I am talking to him I get the feeling that I have known him my entire life and for the first
time in my life confessed what I feel for him. It’s scary as well as invigorating
and reviving. I also get the feeling that I can’t reveal everything that
I feel…Like I have done all of my life anyways…but then I tell him stuff that I wouldn’t tell most anyone
else. I tell him how I feel for him and he in turn shares with me, I think, how
he feels for me and can’t wait to see me again. When he says that my cynical
side kicks in for a second and screams “Yeah right, he Just wants in your pants!” But I am not listening to that
anymore because I feel, deep down in my heart that that is not true. That he
really does want to see me again. He does want to get to know me for who I am
as a person.
Like I said earlier. He makes me feel Special, Wanted, Respected, Trusted, and Awestruck the he would even be interested in
knowing me.
Now he is coming back to Portland in two weeks. My
God, that seems like an eternity to me, but if I am willing to wait three months…well then by God, I can make it through
two weeks…Still doesn’t make it any less harder though…lol.
He is always telling me how much
he just wants to cuddle with me…and every time he says that I am reminded of the first verse of one of my favorite songs. It is called “Forever and Always” by Shania Twain…I think anyways…lol…and
it goes like this:
In your Arms
I can still feel the way you want me when you
hold me
I can still hear the words you whispered when
you told me…
I can stay right here forever in your arms
And there ain’t no way. I’m letting
you go now…
And there ain’t no way. And there ain’t
no how.
I’ll never see that day.
When he says that to me, that song plays
in my mind. I could recite it all here but that would take too long. I just hope he can be everything that song says…and maybe even more…(That song doesn’t
say very much to begin with…lol.) Because God knows…I want to “keep him forever and always”
-Eric
(Once again he is reading this. I am not ashamed this time. I don’t
want to take any of this back. EVER! He is everything I have said here and more. I
just want to say thank you Tyler for everything that you are
doing for me...)
