Friday September 24, 2004

RELIEF! There is a word that I do not experience all that often.  Mostly due to the fact that I hardly ever put myself in the position where I can feel that feeling.   However, tonight I went out on a limb.  Tonight I took a chance.  I spoke my heart.  I confessed one of my inner most feelings.  I also took a chance by showing my heart, if only a brief glimpse, to the one it written for.  I will admit that I was scared.  I emailed a link to this online journal to him.  As soon as hit send, I wanted it back.  Then I also wanted him to see it.  He did. Out of nowhere and completely by surprise, he Instant Messaged me saying “Hi,” He told me that he did not think that I was a freak.  He told me, not in these exact words, that I had a chance with him.

I put my heart out there and took a chance at rejection.  Instead, I got relief. Sweet, comforting relief.  I was not rejected, but instead I was accepted.

I do not know where this will lead.  Nevertheless, I can hope.  I made a promise to him before he left to go far away.  I told him I would not wait for him.  I intend to keep that promise but, well, so far I have had no luck.  Who is to say the future will be any different. One thing is for sure. Finally my Mind and my Heart are saying the same thing…”HE LIKES ME!”

-Eric